Telling others I was pregnant

I was a student; living in student digs...How could I not tell them! It would have been pretty hard to keep up the healthy eating and drinking fetish for a further 6 months without them looking at me in a 'you're a weirdo' kind of way. Have you noticed the bemused and shell shocked look from fellow students when you turn down the opportunity to go on a bender! Not that I've been a student for what seems like an eternity! I'm 41, I don't do 'benders' anymore...

Well, it was coming up to my 12 or 16 week scan. I can't remember now as I'm sure I had a scan at 12 weeks. Perhaps they do it differently in Scotland? The morning sickness had gone - woo hoo!! It was time to tell the world, shout it from the rooftops, write a press release, and put an advert on national television! Ok, calm down. It was not nearly so dramatic. I phoned Mum and Dad from the rather grubby university telephone! We didn't have mobiles then! Was that the night I got pulled off the grubby telephone by some Scottish Billy Goat Gruff who had obviously been tasked with setting time limits for everyone else's phone calls but his. Hmmm...I'm not sure, but if it was he hurt me and I am still angry about it! I was pregnant for heaven's sake and needed to be handled with care!

Mum and Dad had known that I was 'trying for a baby'. I don't know what it is about that phrase 'trying for a baby'. It all sounds so prescriptive and it makes me sort of giggle! But, I understand why people use it - what else would you say? Just before writing this blog I asked Mum how she felt about the whole baby thing back then because she and Dad never really voiced their opinions. She told me that she didn't really approve as she was not that keen on the father. She resigned herself to the fact and told me she had no other option but to accept it.

Is that what we do as parents? Take things in our stride in a bid to demonstrate that we are not surprised or indeed in disagreement with what our children do. I was an adult, what could they have done about it if that was what I wanted. My father would never have said anything. He was a fantastic man who supported me no matter what sticky patches I got into. And there were a few!

I quickly worked through the list of who we needed to tell and I have to say there were a couple of 'pregnant pauses'! One question that a few asked me was 'So when are you giving up University?'

Leaving university had never even crossed my mind. In my first blog 'Having a baby - planned or unplanned, I described myself as very matter of fact. Why would it have crossed my mind to leave? I was the sort of girl who 'once started, would finish'! Should it have crossed my mind? Should I have left?

I can answer that...NO, NO, and NO!

I would like to believe that perceptions have changed considerably and that it is generally accepted that women can still have a life if they have children. I have met and talked to many people who have regretfully given up very good careers because they have had children, believing in some way that they need to adopt a full time homemaker role and that partners where they existed would provide. Maybe that is one reason I feel very inspired by all the individuals I have met at Newcastle Business Mums and indeed on Twitter!

Have things changed? I wonder where I would be and what I would be doing now if I had followed someone else's path and not my own.

HAVING A BABY - PLANNED OR UNPLANNED?

Wow, my first ever blog...

I'd like to tell you a story about my maternity journey from deciding to have a baby to the present day. Not all of the story will be shared today, so stay tuned and enjoy the first part of a very honest account of how it was for me and the people around me. It feels very theraputic writing this as it wasn't all plain sailing!

I'm convincing myself that our decision to have a baby was planned (in a fashion!). I was 27 and in my 1st year at Stirling University doing a BA(Hons) in Human Resources Management. The baby conversation (not the baby making!) started whilst sitting on a bus to St. Andrews with Simon (the father!). He turned to me and said, 'Why don't we have a baby'? That was it really!

So, was that planned, or did I just have the inability to say 'no'? Were we having a child to stay together? Were we having a child as a celebration of our love for each other?

Or, were we just plain mad? Simon lived in Newcastle upon Tyne, I had quite happily packed my meagre belongings and moved to mature student digs' in Stirling. But, we had been together for 8 years, so it seemed like a good idea. I don't think we thought the whole baby thing through really, do you?

I'm not going to beat myself up about it (despite what people said at the time). I have absolutely no regrets. I have a beautiful 12 year old daughter to prove that. But, I often think back to the conversation on the bus and the events that have passed. We didn't really think through the practicalities. We were in the 'nothing will change' mindest. I'm a practical person and perhaps it was another item on my 'to do' list...have a baby!